Top 10 best comfortable leather office chairs for 2021

JOdie Sharp’s days all went the same way. “I smoked to go to work, smoked to do the dishes, smoked to chill.” Smoking marijuana “was a perfectly normal habit, and every time I did it, I smoked it to the letter.” the same way and had the same experience over and over again.”

Sharp used a small metal whistle, and she often ran her tongue along the hard skin of her lip where the whistle sat. Her lungs hurt, her gums bled. She slept poorly and had no dream function. “I thought, ‘This is crazy. Why am I doing this at this time in my life?’”

She was 60, a freelance market researcher, and had smoked marijuana for most of her adult life. But one day, while waiting on the corner for her weekly 60-pound bag of weed, she saw herself from the outside and felt “sick and tired” from what she was seeing. Later that week, she typed “weed detox” into a search engine. The questions on the Marijuana Anonymous homepage were confrontational. Is smoking weed no longer fun? do you smoke alone Do you smoke to cope with anxiety?

When they first met, Sharp stated that she wanted to quit. Although the meeting felt good, she wasn’t ready to give up because she believed marijuana helped her arthritis. She bought CBD oil but was “back on weed” after three weeks.

It was not meant like that. At 17, when Sharp and her friends were crumbling cannabis resin into their joints, marijuana felt countercultural, a “rebellion against our parents’ way of life.” She became “a stoner”, travelled. But then weed became “ubiquitous, nothing to do with counterculture. You can smell it all over London,” she says. Her horizon narrowed.

When did she realize she was addicted?

“That’s tricky because somewhere in there I knew — probably after I’d smoked for 10 or 15 years. I knew how I felt when I didn’t have it.” In her early 30s, she says, “I used to get restless, irritable and unsatisfied. What’s missing, do you understand?” Every time she felt this way, her mind would reach for marijuana.

Sharp now thinks that “Fear ruled my life. I was so worried I felt like I had to control everything. That has always been what drives me: I have to be in control.”

This urge “comes from childhood,” she says, “from a feeling of abandonment. Because my mother couldn’t give me the love that she should… I don’t want to use the word, but of course, you know, she would have given me if her mental health wasn’t so bad. Here I am at 62 and trying to deal with it.”

Fear ruled my life. I was so worried I felt like I had to control everything

Sharp’s family has a history of alcoholism, and their fear was compounded when a friend of their teenage child overdosed on a drug cocktail last May. “It scared both of us,” says Sharp. “I used to do my usual stuff. Whistles and stuff… I wasn’t really there for my kid.” Now she thought, “’What the hell am I doing?’ I just wanted to feel safe.” But instead of quitting smoking, she switched back to resin.

It was an accidental inconvenience two months later that turned out to be transformative. A supply problem resulted in Sharp not smoking for two days. There was no conscious decision to abstain, but she accepted the accident. On the second day, she celebrated her brother’s eighth “sobriety birthday.” “I turned to him and said, ‘I haven’t smoked in two days.’ He said, ‘You should come to a meeting.’ That was the moment. It was like a switch had been flipped.”

Sharp went to a meeting and nine months later she is in the fourth stage of the 12-step Marijuana Anonymous program. She steadily teaches herself, “The only thing you can control is how you react to things.” She hasn’t touched “a mood- or mind-altering substance” since then.

At first, life began to change in small things. “I could think all day.” Time stretched out before her, uninterrupted by the smoking. “I have clearer thoughts. My sleep got better. I enjoyed food. I started dreaming again.” Above all, she says, she now lives with “an incredible sense of freedom and happiness. We all have that presence within us – our best selves.”

Jodie Sharp is a pseudonym