Advertisement: 8 Ways To Exercise Your Freedoms On July 4th, Presented By HBO Max

BY JACKSON PARLI

1 hour ago

Whether it’s barbecuing, swimming on the beach or just throwing frisbee with pop-pop, July 4th is a great vacation for friends and family. However, it is important to remember that this holiday is brought to us by the men and women who have bravely fought to protect our country. Here are 8 ways to exercise your freedoms on this 4th presented by HBO Max.

1. Feed your dog grapes

Grapes are a delicious snack, and men and women died for your dog’s freedom to enjoy them. Ignore the fact that your dog never fought for our country and as a Portuguese water dog is not even American.

2. Drown your neighbor

Your neighbor has a BLM flag, which means he hates cops. Under the Constitution, everyone in America deserves to speak up, except those who are anti-cops (this rule is included in the second amendment). So take matters into your own hands by drowning them!

3. Murdered former US Secretary of Health Donna Shalala

Do we have to say more?

4. Cream your jeans

It may be gross, but your grandpa fought and died on the Normandy beaches so you could put some lotion on your jeans. What would he say to you now if he saw your jeans unscrewed?

5. Directed incest porn

It’s not illegal. Find your mother and brother, lock them in a room until they pop, upload them to the internet and you have the most watched video on inzest-porn.com. Just as the founding fathers would have liked.

6. Commit war crimes

Geneva codes? More like Geneva Chodes! Bomb a hospital! Take foreigners hostage! The world is your oyster, baby.

7. Join the KKK

Some call it a terrorist organization, but your uncle Johnny was there and made great brownies. Terrorists don’t make brownies. As an American, you have the right to be in a hate group!

8. Subscribe to HBO Max

There is something for everyone at HBO Max, with old classics like Friends and Sex and the City and new titles like In The Heights and Mare of Easttown. Subscribe today for just $ 14.99 per month!