I knew it would be painful to have a child in this world. I watched a few episodes of One Born Every Minute with my head in my hands. And I once made the mistake of reading an article about a woman’s perineal tear that made my eyes water and put me off my take-away curry.

But what I never imagined was that my road to birth would be so painful. More specifically, a literal pain in my asshole. Yes mother, I am discussing my asshole on a public forum. Let’s hope grandma never learns to access the internet and google my name.

By the 25th week of pregnancy, I experienced a lot of different stings, aches and pains. I recently went to Cornwall with my best friends to enjoy a little baby moon. We planned long coastal walks and many sights around the beautiful town of St. Ives.

Cornwall was perfect. The sun, the sea, my best friends. But also a stabbing feeling in my bum that dampened the festivities a little.

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It was beautiful. The sun, the sea, my best friends. But also a stabbing feeling in my bum that dampened the festivities a little. It hurts. Much. It made my eyes water and even though I tried to shake it off, it kept me up at night.

After a short conversation with my midwife, it turns out that it could be one of many. Sciatica, for example. This is basically a long nerve that can cause back, butt, or foot pain.

My midwife also suggested that my uterus expand and put pressure on my buttocks. And she said it might even be wind.

This is not the ethereal picture of me that I imagined during pregnancy. I imagined long flowing clothes and glowing skin. Not a fart that can’t quite escape.

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Yes, my excruciating pain, which made me pause and crouch for a moment, can simply be the result of too much elderflower fizzy and salt and vinegar chips. This is not the ethereal picture of me that I imagined during pregnancy. I imagined long flowing clothes and glowing skin. Not a fart that can’t quite escape.

I also had severe pain in my lower abdomen. A stretching pain that feels a bit like pulling a muscle. Again my midwife said that probably only my body will expand for pregnancy. Which is strange when you consider that I usually feel bloated to be ninth month pregnant after a McDonald’s to think my tummy is ready to go.

I am stubborn and I want to feel like I am still me. Can still do the things I used to do Go as far as I used to go and keep up with my non-pregnant pals like it wasn’t a big deal.

I suppose it’s mostly frustrating because it means I have to slow down. I am stubborn and I want to feel like I am still myself and still able to do the things I used to do. I want to go as far as I used to and keep up with my non-pregnant pals like it isn’t a big deal. But in the sixth month of pregnancy, I have to accept that my body has changed. And sometimes even a trapped fart can tie me to the sofa.

I still sometimes forget that I’m pregnant. When I try to run up the stairs and wonder why I’m gasping for air. Or when I try to get up and find that it is now easier to just roll off the mattress than to get up. However, pregnancy has a number of advantages. I no longer have to do heavy work or pick up heavy things.

People offer to carry my bags and my fiance (pictured) even does the washing up and all the housework.

People offer me to carry my bags and my fiance even does the dishes and all the housework. I mean, he doesn’t always scrape all food off the plates and his attempt to clean the toilet would keep you clinging to your pearls. But the thought counts.

Still, it’s alarming to think that all of this pain is just a warm up for the big day. Sometimes I can’t believe how fast the due date is approaching. I’m excited and can’t wait to meet my little boy. But if my pregnancy pain is just the amuse bouche before head labor, then help me Lord …