With apologies to John Mayer who, like the rest of us, is not getting any younger.

– – –

We have the afternoon
You have this exam room
We still have one thing to do
Diagnose these
symptoms, they are new

A mile to every inch of
My skin tags, please don’t choke
That thing on my lip, right?
Do you need a biopsy?

Find a top document
To heal us
you will handle it
Cut away the sugar
And noodles
What about the quality of life?

Your aging body is a wonderland
It’s a medical miracle and mine is just as bad
Your body is a wonderland

Something about the way my hair falls out every day
Doc gives me a pill to keep the eczema at bay
She tells me where to go
A cardiac referral
This back pain is such a burden
Could I have an epidural?

Kidney stones
You are painful
Swim in a deep sea
From codeine
Can’t see anything now
It will take a while to fix me

My aging body is a wonderland
It’s a medical miracle, feel my glands
My Gen X body is a wonderland
(Carpal tunnel again
I can’t use my hands)

damn baby
you frustrate me
I know you’re mine, all mine, all mine
But that move you made just broke my back

Your aging body is a wonderland (you’ll never sleep again)
It’s a medical miracle, time for one CAT scan
My aging body is a wonderland (my knee’s blown again, again)

Our aging bodies are a wonderland (arthritic hands)